I felt overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. Some of you might have gone through such times before - the sudden rush of negative emotions that like a wave just washes over you and seems to linger.

On what basis did I have the right to stand up there and address the people? Am I somebody respected? Somebody who's given much for the church? Somebody who can skillfully craft a speech that will stir the hearts of man? No, I was standing up there only by virtue of the office I bear. If somebody else were the youth worker, that somebody would be up there, not me.

I must say, the encouragement people gave helped alot. I would have been in a far worse state if not for all the help and encouragement people have been dispensing.

But I still felt stressed and unready. Maybe it was because it felt like my "debut". Almost as if how people view the youth worker and the ministry among the youths will depend largely on how I handle this (You know it's a panic attack when irrational thoughts start popping up all over). It's like the first time the church at large sees me up onstage talking about something important, and of all things, it has to do with Vision 2010 and our redevelopment. It's interesting how I believe so much in this vision and yet find myself unable to articulate just how I feel.

And so overwhelmed and under stress, I did the only thing I knew to do. I worshipped. I sang songs of surrender. I reflected and waited on Him in silence. And the message came rather quickly (maybe God knew I was near breaking point): "Let *Me* do the convicting. You just be faithful and share." And right after that the words of Paul in 1 Cor 2:4-5 came to mind. And the burden was lifted.

Nervous? Yeah. But no longer afraid. Even if I mess up and the people only hear gibberish come out of my mouth, the Miracle Maker will somehow use that gibberish to convict the people and remind them of the spiritual aspect of this Vision. And that would be really cool because then my pride cannot rear its ugly head to say that it was I who convinced the people.

Anyway. Today went well. I thank God for all the awesome people who went the extra mile to make Youth Sunday happen. I don't want to shoot myself in the foot here, but after today's baptism by fire, I know I'll say yes the next time I'm presented with the opportunity to share. There's something addictive about this whole thing. Maybe that's why the pastors love preaching so much (I think.).

Oh wait. The "next time" happens to be my sermon two Sundays from now.

Here we go again...

posted by NEB at 1:29 PM

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