We went to POTS expecting God to work, and He did. I must say, and I say this knowing that both PEW and Steven read my blog, that I don't think I ever felt so inadequate before. Praying and listening in the Spirit is something I'm rather new to - I never really tried until this year after being given this Benny Ho CD by a very kind soul. And I guess I'm still at the stage where I'm learning to distinguish between God's voice, and all the other voices that threaten to drown Him out.

So you see? Total newbie. I get really scared when I'm asked to minister to people. What if I mess up? Then they leave the altar without being ministered by God? The thought of somebody missing out on God's touch because I'm not sensitive enough to Him is very, very scary. And after reading this I don't think people will want me to pray for them the next time there is ministry. Methinks I should delete this.

Anyway. The story doesn't end there lar. Even before the prayer meeting started, as the pastoral team and intercessors prayed, I could already feel God telling me to let go and trust Him. And the verses shared by those present all had the similar theme of God being the one who would empower us and use us. I guess it was God's way of saying "Yes, I know you're inadequate. That's why you're doing it with me." And I guess it's also good that I feel inadequate. When people get ministered, then there won't be any question about where the power came from.

So anyway I left church feeling alot better, alot more encouraged, and it looked like calm seas ahead, but no. A storm that would probably register an 8 on the Richter Scale hit me once I parked the car and opened my boot. My waterbottle was leaked, drenching my bag, containing my organiser, my keys, my iPod (which thankfully was in a rubber case)...... and the church laptop. Wow. Really there isn't much else I can say. I immediately cleaned it up, but the insides are soaked. Picture this: I wiped the water off the bottom of the lappie, and flipped it over to clean the screen. When I flipped it back to the underside, there was water again. And it can't start.

So a few hundred thoughts blazed through my mind at light speed, but a few kept repeating themselves:

1) ALL MY DATA! The BBGB report, the enrolment plans, and essentially all my work over the week was in there. I really thank God that I had the discipline to backup my data on an external hard disk on Sunday, so I still have data from before this week.
2) We need the laptop for tommorrow's learning festival and Sunday's Youth Service.
3) Where am I going to get the money to replace this laptop? Here's a hint folks: My entire month's salary isn't enough to buy a new laptop, even before cutting CPF.
4) Just one month into my probation and I've destroyed church property. Just how do I tell the church leaders that I ruined the church laptop out of my own carelessness and/or stupidity? Oh wait, I just did. Either way, this is really not going to reflect well on my stewardship.

I think I'm in shock, cos I'm still joking around. Maybe the reality will sink in later. I dunno. And those two words also happen to be my current plan. I really have no idea what to do. It's really my fault lar, should have emptied my bottle before putting it in the bag, so I guess I'll have to tell Pastor Raymond tommorrow and see how things go from there.

And the amazing thing is, as I talked to God about it just now, the song "Give Thanks" just came to mind. So what to do? Guai guai sing and give thanks lor. I guess at the end of the day, no matter how hopeless things appear to be, even if everything is taken away from us, the fact that Jesus died for us is enough reason to give thanks.

And I managed to sing from the bottom of my heart.

posted by NEB at 1:01 AM

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